Hatred (Maybe I Am Pro-Hatred) - Journal Entry 5/30/22

I wrote this around the time when I moved further to the left and became more radicalized. During that radicalization process I was just pissed all the time, at anything and everything. That hatred felt different from others that I've felt, so I wrote about it. I omitted most of the second paragraph because most of it wasn't relevant to my point and I'm not happy with how I worded it anyway.

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Where is hatred's role in the world? Humorously, it seems like we hate hatred. Various creeds, philosophies, and religions call for the purging of hatred. Even in our increasingly logical, empirical society, hatred is anathema.

Recently, I have been further radicalized and further discontented with the systems in place. As a result, I have become more angry and find more things that I hate.

There is a part of me that fears this emotion. One reason why is that it is new. I am not devoid of hate, however, it has never followed me so. Looking more deeply, we can tie back to what I said before: we hate hatred. In stories, those that hate are the villains; in religion, those that hate are the sinners. This is for good reason, I know firsthand that hatred can pollute one's soul. At times, it can feel like hatred is a rot that clings to the inner walls of my body, eating me from the inside out. From a less introspective perspective, hatred can be a powerful director for vindictive thoughts and malevolent actions. Hatred can hurt and destroy, either yourself or others, many times both.

Interestingly, this hatred that currently fills me is not as noxious. It can be undesirable at times, but it is not necessarily a pollutant in my mind's ecosystem. The emotion is a director, yes, but directs me not to harm specific people, but the systems that are in place. I want to destroy, but through this destruction, the world would be a better place. Perhaps this hatred invigorates instead of disparages, allows for action instead of bitter rumination.

So then, hatred perhaps is deeper than being a simple negative emotion. It can create change, destroy what needs to be destroyed, allowing for the creation of something better. It can't be ignored that hatred is a fundamentally destructive emotion. As a whole though, hatred is a part of you that can't be denied, no matter how much we wish we could.